WORLD—A group of world renowned genealogists have reportedly released a list of DNA facts that proves beyond doubt that Sepp Blatter and Robert Mugabe were separated at birth.
- Both Blatter and Mugabe are slapheads with uniquely identical bald domes.
- They both love to scratch their follicle deficient scalps when engaged in media obfuscation.
- Their love of making regular controversial statements.
- Their brazen periodic controversial re-elections.
- Their leadership candidacy riddled with rumours of bribery, backroom dealings and outright corruption.
- Their shameless obduracy at holding on to power regardless of public opprobrium.
- Their uncanny ability to bask and thrive under public infamy.
- The inordinate enrichment of their cronies to unbelievable levels.
- Both are recipients of dubious awards and honours.