The Horstrich

Biblical Deluge: Move your toaster and iThings to higher ground.

Tomorrow is a satire on today, and shows its weakness.

-Edward Young

Reports

Man Waiting For Female Footballers To Swap Shirts Disappointed Yet Again

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                    MITCHAM, LONDON—After the England versus Canada quarter final match at the Women’s World Cup, 26 year old football fan Michael Fulton is reported to have been left disappointed yet again, as none of the 22 outfield players whipped off their [...]

June 28, 2015 h_macaulay festivities, football, news, sports 0

Blatter And Mugabe Separated At Birth, Say Genealogists

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            WORLD—A group of world renowned genealogists have reportedly released a list of DNA facts that proves beyond doubt that Sepp Blatter and Robert Mugabe were separated at birth. Both Blatter and Mugabe are slapheads with uniquely identical bald domes. They both love to scratch [...]

June 1, 2015 h_macaulay election, football, government, news, politics, sports 0

Fifa Honours Dead World Cup Construction Workers With Body Outlines In Stadiums

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                    ARCHIVE: July 14′ 2014 RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL—As the FIFA 2014 World Cup juggernaut ground to a halt with Germany pipping Argentina to the trophy, FIFA reportedly paid tribute to all the construction workers who sacrificed their lives so that [...]

May 28, 2015 h_macaulay celebrations, football, news, sports 0

Football Chairman Shamelessly Celebrates Success Of Manager He Will Sack Within Months

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                  ARCHIVE: April 28, 2014 CLUELESS FOOTBALL CLUB, ENGLAND – A football club Chairman has reportedly been accused of a lack of class and decency after shamelessly celebrating the manager’s success in marshalling the clueless club’s promotion to the Top-Tier League of [...]

May 26, 2015 h_macaulay business, celebrations, football, news 0

Texas Bikers Shootout Just Celebrating Release Of Mad Max: Fury Road

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                    WACO, TEXAS—Saying that the world was too easily outraged these days, bike gang leader Mike ‘Razor Beard’ Wyatt told reporters that the bikers had only embarked on the free-for-all shoot ‘em up that killed nine bikers to celebrate the release [...]

May 19, 2015 h_macaulay film, gangs, guns, lifestyle, news 0

Voters Stitched Us Up, Say UK Pollsters

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                      BRITAIN—After coming in for severe hiding in the UK General Election, UK Pollsters have denied getting it massively wrong, claiming that UK voters lied to them, according to reports. “UK voters are a lying bunch,” fumed Henry Williams of [...]

May 9, 2015 h_macaulay election, government, news, politics 0

Ed Miliband Vows To Throw Kitchen Sink At Cameron (VIDEO)

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May 5, 2015 h_macaulay celebrity, government, news, videos 0

Floyd Mayweather Takes Break From Running To Ask Pacquiao Royal Baby’s Sex.

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                  MGM GRAND, LAS VEGAS—Saying to his chasing assailant that he hadn’t had time to get an update on the second royal baby’s birth before their boxing match, Floyd ‘Slippery Money’ Mayweather took a breather in Round 4 by asking Manny Pacquiao [...]

May 3, 2015 h_macaulay business, celebrity, news, sports 0

Ukip Releases New And Improved Life In The UK Test Syllabus For Migrants (VIDEO)

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April 8, 2015 h_macaulay immigration, news, politics, videos 0

Easter Turkey Pleads Desperately For Dear Life

Easter Turkey Pleads Desperately For Dear Life

                    ARCHIVE: April 20, 2014 MUDCHUTE PARK & FARM, LONDON – Clucking hysterically and pleading vigorously for his dear life on the way to the animal gallows, local farmyard turkey, Wattle, reportedly explained to Farmer Townsend that he has got his [...]

April 5, 2015 h_macaulay animals, festivities, food, news 0