The Horstrich

Sarin-contaminated rain: kiss loved ones before leaving home.

Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.

-Vladimir Nabokov

Reports

Browsing the "celebrations" Category

shutterstock_63123016

Girlfriend Promises To Be On Best Behaviour Until After Valentine

                                      SYDENHAM, LONDON—Saying that she was not going to jeopardise her chances of receiving a fantastic Valentine’s gift from her emasculated boyfriend, [...]

February 13, 2015 celebrations, festivities, lifestyle, news
JONATHAN-2014-COMPAIGN

Nigeria Postpones Elections To Celebrate Valentine’s Day

                        NIGERIA—Nigerian lovers up and down the country are reported to have celebrated wildly when President Goodluck Jonathan cancelled national elections which were due to be held on February [...]

February 10, 2015 celebrations, holidays, news, politics, religion
maracana (2)

Fifa Honours Dead World Cup Construction Workers With Body Outlines In Stadiums

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL—As the FIFA 2014 World Cup juggernaut ground to a halt with Germany pipping Argentina to the trophy, FIFA reportedly paid tribute to all the construction workers who sacrificed their lives so that the world may enjoy [...]

July 14, 2014 celebrations, football, news, sports
snoop dog unhappy about fathers days present

Snoop Dogg Not Impressed With His Father’s Day Gift Of Pedigree Dental Sticks

CALIFORNIA—Saying that he was really getting fed up with the yearly ritual of being presented with several packets of Pedigree brand of dental sticks by his grown-up children, Snoop Dogg, aka Snoop Lion, told reporters that his father’s day gift [...]

June 15, 2014 animals, celebrations, celebrity, health, news
sports

Football Chairman Shamelessly Celebrates Success Of Manager He Will Sack Within Months

CLUELESS FOOTBALL CLUB, ENGLAND – A football club Chairman has reportedly been accused of a lack of class and decency after shamelessly celebrating the manager’s success in marshalling the clueless club’s promotion to the Top-Tier League of English football, yet [...]

April 28, 2014 celebrations, news, sports
ghost horses (1)

Ghost Horses Descend On Liverpool For Grand National

AINTREE, LIVERPOOL — Ghosts of  horses that died trying to conquer the Grand National fences have reportedly converged on Aintree in Liverpool for the Crabbies 2014 Grand National. Sources confirmed that since the start of the annual Aintree festival on [...]

April 5, 2014 business, celebrations, festivities, news, sports
shutterstock_165362585

Dad Finally Gets Lucky With Mum On Mother’s Day

                    SHOREDITCH, LONDON – After scheming for three months and getting no joy in bid to get laid, sources report that 52-year-old Dominic Merchant finally got lucky with the mother of [...]

March 30, 2014 business, celebrations, news, technology
dicaprio1

Leonardo DiCaprio Preferred To Eat His Speech To The Oscars Pizza

HOLLYWOOD – Saying to his fellow actors that after hearing Mathew McConaughey announced as winner of best actor at the 2014 Oscars Award, he felt a sudden violent and overpowering craving for cellulose pulp, Hollywood sources said Leonardo DiCaprio promptly [...]

March 3, 2014 celebrations, celebrity, film, food, news
valentines

Romantic Man’s Valentine Gift To Girlfriend Is A 3D Model Of Himself

LONDON ─ After pondering what special gift to give his girlfriend for Valentine for several weeks to no avail, City Banker  Donald Smith stumbled upon his Eureka moment when, at rush hour commute, he read in the Metro a report [...]

February 14, 2014 business, celebrations, festivities, news, technology