The Horstrich

Scottish boomerang weather. North-to-south-back-to-north-to-south-to-north.

Praise undeserved is satire in disguise.

-Alexander Pope


Browsing the "celebrity" Category

top dog

Cat Is The New Dog? I Don’t Think So — By Top Dog

CALIFORNIA—Alright, alright, viral-obsessed creatures on two legs, it’s time you stopped prostituting yourselves to cats. Frankly speaking I’m pissed off right now. Actually I’ve been pissed off since the suicidal antics of that Californian cat called Tara went viral. But [...]

May 23, 2014 animals, celebrity, commentary, news
clooney (1)

Successful Woman Volunteers As Carer For Middle-Aged Actor, Becomes Famous

LONDON – A supposedly wannabe British legal luminary, 36-year-old Amal Alammudin, has reportedly been globally recognised for her humanitarian act in sacrificing herself as the primary carer of middle-aged Hollywood actor, George Clooney. Sources report that for the past week [...]

May 5, 2014 celebrity, film, news
pistorius (1)

Woman Recording Pistorius Murder Trial To Binge-Watch And Pass Her Own Verdict

PUTNEY, LONDON – Saying that she couldn’t risk missing a single episode of the Oscar Pistorius murder trial on TV, sources report that 33-year-old Putney woman, Dorine Hayes, has set her Sky+ box to record every second of the trial [...]

March 16, 2014 celebrity, court, news, police, sports

Putin Deploys Siberian Tigers To Crimea

CRIMEA REPUBLIC – While Russian President Vladimir Putin has said on record that he hopes the Ukraine conflict may be resolved without resort to arms, Crimean sources report that Putin however stated that he could not entirely rule out the [...]

March 10, 2014 celebrity, news, politics, war

Leonardo DiCaprio Preferred To Eat His Speech To The Oscars Pizza

HOLLYWOOD – Saying to his fellow actors that after hearing Mathew McConaughey announced as winner of best actor at the 2014 Oscars Award, he felt a sudden violent and overpowering craving for cellulose pulp, Hollywood sources said Leonardo DiCaprio promptly [...]

March 3, 2014 celebrations, celebrity, film, food, news
baseball (1)

Kevin Pietersen To Bat For India

LONDON ─ After being unceremoniously booted out of the England Cricket Team, Kevin Pietersen, England’s enigmatic batsman, has changed nationality and will henceforth bat for India, according to reports. Sources said just a week on from his England career being [...]

February 13, 2014 business, celebrity, news, sports

Stop This Banana, Balls And Bonkers Science ─ By King Kong

As a Hollywood veteran, after a hard day’s work in the Universal Studios or on location, I just want to return to my hotel suite and kick back with about a dozen fingers of banana. Ahh…bliss! So you can imagine [...]

February 6, 2014 bonkers, celebrity, commentary, film, food, health, news, science

Women Cheat On Men With Big Balls, Say Scientists


February 6, 2014 bonkers, celebrity, commentary, film, health, news

Governor Christie Reveals Extendable Nose At Press Conference

NEW JERSEY—During his latest press conference to debunk claims that he was complicit in the punitive closure of the George Washington Bridge, the embattled Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, revealed his extendable nose, according to reports. Sources said when [...]

February 4, 2014 celebrity, food, news, politics

Moyes Relegated To The Sofa Until Results Improve

  MANCHESTER, UK─After losing his seventh Premier League game of the season to leave the Champions lying in a ludicrous seventh position in the table, the Manchester United manager, David Moyes, has been relegated to sleep on the living room [...]

January 20, 2014 business, celebrity, news, sports