The Horstrich

Biblical Deluge: Move your toaster and iThings to higher ground.

Tomorrow is a satire on today, and shows its weakness.

-Edward Young


Browsing the "celebrity" Category

Brian Griffin

Angry Dog Owner Kills His Brian Griffin Look-alike Labrador By Hurling It Into Traffic

The Metropolitan Police have charged Danny Raymond, 26 year old unemployed dog owner, with animal cruelty. According to witnesses, while walking his snow-white Labrador Retriever─aptly named Brian after the Family Guy canine character, Brian Griffin─on Peckham High Street, Raymond suddenly [...]

November 27, 2013 celebrity, news

Chelsea Football Club Owner, Roman Abramovich, Beaten Senseless By His Francis Bacon 1976 Triptych

  LONDON─Russian billionaire and Chelsea FC owner, Roman Abramovich, has been attacked and ruthlessly beaten in his Chelsea home, by his crazed Francis Bacon 1976 Triptych, according to reports.   The Telegraph newspaper reports that a day after Francis Bacon’s [...]

November 21, 2013 celebrity, news, sports
Taylor Swift 1 (1)

The NAACP Asks Taylor Swift To Seriously Consider A Black Man As Her Next Boyfriend─Via Open Letter

Dear Taylor, We, members of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, NAACP, wish to request that you show support for the Affirmative Action policy, by seriously considering making your next boyfriend an African American male. We have [...]

November 17, 2013 celebrity, commentary, news
mo1 (1)

Lion King Wins African Leadership Award

KHARTOUM─The annual £3.2 million Mo Ibrahim award for ‘excellence in African leadership’ has finally found a worthy winner in the form of King Simba, the celebrated Disney’s Lion King, according to African media reports. Sources say the award, which is [...]

October 29, 2013 celebrity, news, politics
london-street-2 (3)

Naomi Watts Seen Being Chased Naked On London Streets By The Ghost Of Princess Diana

  LONDON─The British media have reported sightings of Hollywood actress, Naomi Watts, being chased naked through the streets of London by the ghost of the late Princess Diana. According to eye witnesses Watt is said to be howling like a [...]

October 22, 2013 celebrity, news
miley_takes food

Miley Cyrus Accused By Animal Rights Group Of Starving Lizards Of Their Diet Of Insects

  CALIFORNIA─Miley Cyrus has been blasted by the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) for her irresponsible behaviour to the chamaeleonidae family. There have been reports of Cyrus using her famous extrudable tongue to snatch butterflies, [...]

October 21, 2013 celebrity, news
jack wilshere

We Are England And We Can Tackle Our Way To World Cup 2014 Final──By Jack Wilshere

I’m sorry Mr FA Chairman, Greg Dyke, winning the World Cup in 2022 doesn’t quite cut it for me. I can barely get in the team in 2013, what hope 2022? With my new found love of tobacco who knows [...]

October 17, 2013 celebrity, news, sports
Movie hardman Jason Statham calmly strolls away from a scene of destruction

Hollywood Hardman Jason Statham Rips Celebrity Journalist At The Paris Fashion Week

PARIS─It has been reported that Hollywood hard-man Jason Statham let rip into a so-called celebrity journalist, Dave Owen, at the recently concluded Paris Fashion Week. According to reports, Owen, a celebrity blogger had walked up to Statham at the fashion [...]

October 4, 2013 celebrity, news
Harry v Ronnie

Ronnie Wood Delivers A Zinger To Redknapp’s Diss Of ‘Hippy Crack’

LONDON─Rolling Stone guitarist and serial rehab habitué Ronnie Wood has been giving his views on Harry Redknapp’s claim that drugs are merely a modern phenomenon in the UK, according to sources.  The Queens Park Rangers’ boss, in an interview with [...]

October 4, 2013 celebrity, news, sports