The Horstrich

Biblical Deluge: Move your toaster and iThings to higher ground.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

-Ambrose Bierce

Reports

Browsing the "commentary" Category

leonardo dicaprio

About Fucking Time I Got My Hands On This Golden Dude – By Leonardo DiCaprio

                              Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah! Yeah! About fucking time I got my hands on this golden guy. Wow! First I’d like [...]

February 28, 2016 celebrations, celebrity, commentary, film, news
top dog

Cat Is The New Dog? I Don’t Think So — By Top Dog

                ARCHIVE: May 23, 2014 CALIFORNIA—Alright, alright, viral-obsessed creatures on two legs, it’s time you stopped prostituting yourselves to cats. Frankly speaking I’m pissed off right now. Actually I’ve been pissed off since [...]

March 23, 2015 animals, celebrity, commentary, news
Great White Sharks In New Zealand

Contrary To Recent Opinion, The Great White Shark Remains A Deadly Predator– By Queen White

                        ARCHIVE: OCTOBER 17, 2013 As Queen of all the Great White Sharks left in the seas, I have watched and squirmed with great embarrassment as the unedifying image [...]

November 15, 2014 animals, celebrity, commentary, food, news
top dog

Cat Is The New Dog? I Don’t Think So — By Top Dog

CALIFORNIA—Alright, alright, viral-obsessed creatures on two legs, it’s time you stopped prostituting yourselves to cats. Frankly speaking I’m pissed off right now. Actually I’ve been pissed off since the suicidal antics of that Californian cat called Tara went viral. But [...]

May 23, 2014 animals, celebrity, commentary, news
kingkong_edited

Stop This Banana, Balls And Bonkers Science ─ By King Kong

As a Hollywood veteran, after a hard day’s work in the Universal Studios or on location, I just want to return to my hotel suite and kick back with about a dozen fingers of banana. Ahh…bliss! So you can imagine [...]

February 6, 2014 bonkers, celebrity, commentary, film, food, health, news, science
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Women Cheat On Men With Big Balls, Say Scientists

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February 6, 2014 bonkers, celebrity, commentary, film, health, news
hollande (4)

I’m Obsessed With Triangles ─ By Francois Hollande, French President

Alright folks I have a confession to make. I have a medical condition. Actually it’s no big deal. It’s some kind of neurosis but nothing to interfere with my duties as your president. I’m really just OCD about Triangles. I [...]

January 15, 2014 celebrity, commentary, health, news, politics
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Scientists Invent Device Called ‘No More Woof’ To Translate Dogs’ Thoughts

                                                                  Reactions   [...]

January 2, 2014 Bullshit Corner, business, commentary, news
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Expect Same Old Shit In 2014─By President Jonathan of Nigeria

Fellow Nigerians I want to wish you a Happy New Year on this first day of 2014. I hope you had fun staying up at night with your loved ones to cheer in the New Year, because really that’s about [...]

January 1, 2014 commentary, news, politics
Taylor Swift 1 (1)

The NAACP Asks Taylor Swift To Seriously Consider A Black Man As Her Next Boyfriend─Via Open Letter

Dear Taylor, We, members of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, NAACP, wish to request that you show support for the Affirmative Action policy, by seriously considering making your next boyfriend an African American male. We have [...]

November 17, 2013 celebrity, commentary, news