Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah! Yeah! About fucking time I got my hands on this golden guy. Wow! First I’d like [...]
Biblical Deluge: Move your toaster and iThings to higher ground.
My pen shall heal, not hurt.
ARCHIVE: May 23, 2014 CALIFORNIA—Alright, alright, viral-obsessed creatures on two legs, it’s time you stopped prostituting yourselves to cats. Frankly speaking I’m pissed off right now. Actually I’ve been pissed off since [...]
ARCHIVE: OCTOBER 17, 2013 As Queen of all the Great White Sharks left in the seas, I have watched and squirmed with great embarrassment as the unedifying image [...]
CALIFORNIA—Alright, alright, viral-obsessed creatures on two legs, it’s time you stopped prostituting yourselves to cats. Frankly speaking I’m pissed off right now. Actually I’ve been pissed off since the suicidal antics of that Californian cat called Tara went viral. But [...]
As a Hollywood veteran, after a hard day’s work in the Universal Studios or on location, I just want to return to my hotel suite and kick back with about a dozen fingers of banana. Ahh…bliss! So you can imagine [...]
Alright folks I have a confession to make. I have a medical condition. Actually it’s no big deal. It’s some kind of neurosis but nothing to interfere with my duties as your president. I’m really just OCD about Triangles. I [...]
Fellow Nigerians I want to wish you a Happy New Year on this first day of 2014. I hope you had fun staying up at night with your loved ones to cheer in the New Year, because really that’s about [...]
Dear Taylor, We, members of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, NAACP, wish to request that you show support for the Affirmative Action policy, by seriously considering making your next boyfriend an African American male. We have [...]