Scorcher! Bum-shorts day.
Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.
-Ambrose Bierce
HACKNEY, LONDON—Following the news that bacon and sausage could cause cancer, 26-year-old Nathan Atkins, an all-things-processed-and-non-processed-meat-aficionado, finally came clean to reporters that he always had his doubt [...]
ARCHIVE: April 20, 2014 MUDCHUTE PARK & FARM, LONDON – Clucking hysterically and pleading vigorously for his dear life on the way to the animal gallows, local farmyard turkey, Wattle, [...]
ARCHIVE: March 3, 2014. HOLLYWOOD – Saying to his fellow actors that after hearing Mathew McConaughey announced as winner of best actor at the 2014 Oscars Award, he felt a sudden violent [...]
ARCHIVE: OCTOBER 17, 2013 As Queen of all the Great White Sharks left in the seas, I have watched and squirmed with great embarrassment as the unedifying image [...]
LONDON—Londoners have reportedly used the milestone in the life of the Most Influential Person in London to tell him to stop sucking breast in public and start portraying London in the most favourable light. In a controversy which has increasingly [...]
UNIVERSAL–To prevent bloodshed while using a can opener, the Health and Safety Executive advises that you should protect your fingers with Kevlar gloves. [...]
MUDCHUTE PARK & FARM, LONDON – Clucking hysterically and pleading vigorously for his dear life on the way to the animal gallows, local farmyard turkey, Wattle, reportedly explained to Farmer Townsend that he has got his Easter and Christmas holidays [...]
HOLLYWOOD – Saying to his fellow actors that after hearing Mathew McConaughey announced as winner of best actor at the 2014 Oscars Award, he felt a sudden violent and overpowering craving for cellulose pulp, Hollywood sources said Leonardo DiCaprio promptly [...]
As a Hollywood veteran, after a hard day’s work in the Universal Studios or on location, I just want to return to my hotel suite and kick back with about a dozen fingers of banana. Ahh…bliss! So you can imagine [...]
NEW JERSEY—During his latest press conference to debunk claims that he was complicit in the punitive closure of the George Washington Bridge, the embattled Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, revealed his extendable nose, according to reports. Sources said when [...]
