The Horstrich

Golf ball rain: Don't forget your hard hats. Going to be a racket.

Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.

-Vladimir Nabokov

Reports

Browsing the "food" Category

heinz 5 a day

Man Pretty Sure Pork Sausage No Longer One Of Five-A-Day

                          HACKNEY, LONDON—Following the news that bacon and sausage could cause cancer, 26-year-old Nathan Atkins, an all-things-processed-and-non-processed-meat-aficionado, finally came clean to reporters that he always had his doubt [...]

October 30, 2015 food, health, lifestyle, news, science
easter turkey 2

Easter Turkey Pleads Desperately For Dear Life

                    ARCHIVE: April 20, 2014 MUDCHUTE PARK & FARM, LONDON – Clucking hysterically and pleading vigorously for his dear life on the way to the animal gallows, local farmyard turkey, Wattle, [...]

April 5, 2015 animals, festivities, food, news
dicaprio1

Leonardo DiCaprio Preferred To Eat His Speech To The Oscars Pizza

                ARCHIVE: March 3, 2014. HOLLYWOOD – Saying to his fellow actors that after hearing Mathew McConaughey announced as winner of best actor at the 2014 Oscars Award, he felt a sudden violent [...]

February 22, 2015 celebrations, celebrity, film, food, news
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‘Stop Suckling Breast In Public’, Londoners Tell Most Powerful Person In London (VIDEO)

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December 7, 2014 celebrity, food, news, videos
Great White Sharks In New Zealand

Contrary To Recent Opinion, The Great White Shark Remains A Deadly Predator– By Queen White

                        ARCHIVE: OCTOBER 17, 2013 As Queen of all the Great White Sharks left in the seas, I have watched and squirmed with great embarrassment as the unedifying image [...]

November 15, 2014 animals, celebrity, commentary, food, news
mip (1)

‘Stop Suckling Breast In Public’, Londoners Tell Most Powerful Person In London

LONDON—Londoners have reportedly used the milestone in the life of the Most Influential Person in London to tell him to stop sucking breast in public and start portraying London in the most favourable light. In a controversy which has increasingly [...]

July 22, 2014 celebrity, food, news
CAN OPENER 2 (1)

Health And Safety Tip Of The Day: Wear Kevlar For Protection

UNIVERSAL–To prevent bloodshed while using a can opener, the Health and Safety Executive advises that you should protect your fingers with Kevlar gloves.                 [...]

June 23, 2014 food, health and safety, news
easter turkey 2

‘Easter Turkey’ Pleads Desperately For Dear Life

MUDCHUTE PARK & FARM, LONDON – Clucking hysterically and pleading vigorously for his dear life on the way to the animal gallows, local farmyard turkey, Wattle, reportedly explained to Farmer Townsend that he has got his Easter and Christmas holidays [...]

April 20, 2014 festivities, food, lifestyle, news
dicaprio1

Leonardo DiCaprio Preferred To Eat His Speech To The Oscars Pizza

HOLLYWOOD – Saying to his fellow actors that after hearing Mathew McConaughey announced as winner of best actor at the 2014 Oscars Award, he felt a sudden violent and overpowering craving for cellulose pulp, Hollywood sources said Leonardo DiCaprio promptly [...]

March 3, 2014 celebrations, celebrity, film, food, news
kingkong_edited

Stop This Banana, Balls And Bonkers Science ─ By King Kong

As a Hollywood veteran, after a hard day’s work in the Universal Studios or on location, I just want to return to my hotel suite and kick back with about a dozen fingers of banana. Ahh…bliss! So you can imagine [...]

February 6, 2014 bonkers, celebrity, commentary, film, food, health, news, science