The Horstrich

Sarin-contaminated rain: kiss loved ones before leaving home.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

-Ambrose Bierce


Browsing the "government" Category


Mask or No Mask, Condom or No Condom, Says Boris Johnson

LONDON — After being asked for the umpteenth time about face masks for the general population, Prime Minister Boris Johnson is reported to have replied, “Look, you don’t ask me for advice on condom when you’re looking for some random [...]

May 4, 2020 government, health, health and safety, politics, science

Trump Signs Historic Trade Deal With North Korea

                  The two nuclear blowhards celebrate their historic deal WASHINGTON—During his first trip abroad as president, Donald Trump is reported to have signed a historic trade deal with Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un—to export [...]

May 27, 2017 bonkers, business, government, politics

Cameron Declares Parts Of Britain Without Power As Territories Of Nigeria


December 28, 2015 government, news, politics, weather

British Public Not Sure If ‘Jihadi John’ Intends To Repay His Student Loan

                      ARCHIVE: March 3, 2015 BRITAIN—After the revelation that Mohammed Emwazi aka Jihadi John –the infamous Islamic State executioner—is a London-educated IT expatriate, the British public have, reportedly, been scratching [...]

November 13, 2015 government, news, terrorism, war
Greece Migrants

Syrian Refugees Reject UK Council Estate Housing

                    INFLATABLE DINGHY BOUND FOR EUROPE—As 40 UK Councils pledged to provide sanctuary for Syrian refugees, sources report from inside a listing Europe-bound inflatable dinghy that refugees have vowed to reject [...]

September 9, 2015 government, immigration, news, politics, war

Blatter And Mugabe Separated At Birth, Say Genealogists

            WORLD—A group of world renowned genealogists have reportedly released a list of DNA facts that proves beyond doubt that Sepp Blatter and Robert Mugabe were separated at birth. Both Blatter and Mugabe are slapheads [...]

June 1, 2015 election, football, government, news, politics, sports

Voters Stitched Us Up, Say UK Pollsters

                      BRITAIN—After coming in for severe hiding in the UK General Election, UK Pollsters have denied getting it massively wrong, claiming that UK voters lied to them, according to reports. [...]

May 9, 2015 election, government, news, politics
mo1 (1)

Lion King Wins African Leadership Award

                          ARCHIVE: October 29, 2013 KHARTOUM─The annual £3.2 million Mo Ibrahim award for ‘excellence in African leadership’ has finally found a worthy winner in the form of King [...]

March 8, 2015 africa, animals, celebrity, film, government, news, politics