The Horstrich

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Reports

Browsing the "health" Category

arctic

Commuters Should Cuddle One Another To Survive The Cold Spell, Says National Medical Council

                    ARCHIVE: January 23, 2015 BRITAIN—As the UK continues to shiver in the grip of an arctic blast, the National Medical Council has reportedly issued a health warning for commuters and [...]

January 21, 2016 health, news, weather
heinz 5 a day

Man Pretty Sure Pork Sausage No Longer One Of Five-A-Day

                          HACKNEY, LONDON—Following the news that bacon and sausage could cause cancer, 26-year-old Nathan Atkins, an all-things-processed-and-non-processed-meat-aficionado, finally came clean to reporters that he always had his doubt [...]

October 30, 2015 food, health, lifestyle, news, science
shutterstock_225985036

Hay Fever Woman Going To Relocate Every Summer From Next Summer

                    FULHAM, LONDON—After blowing her nose like a trumpet into a mucus-sodden tissue, 29-year-old pollen magnet Mary Elstree told reporters that she would surely relocate from the UK next summer to [...]

July 2, 2015 health, news, science, weather
arsenal fans

Arsenal Fans Most Likely To Suffer From Heart Attack, Study Finds

                    LONDON—According to a nine-year study by doctors at the London Chest Hospital, Arsenal supporters are more likely than any other football fans to die of heart attack. “The findings of [...]

February 26, 2015 football, health, news, science, sports
ebola

African Leaders Rally To Stop Ebola Virus From Infecting Their Families

ARCHIVE   August 8, 2014   AFRICA—Following the outbreak of Ebola virus in West Africa and the daily upsurge in fatalities arising from infections, prominent African leaders have reportedly held an emergency meeting to discuss how to tackle the disease [...]

October 4, 2014 health, news, politics
ebola

African Leaders Rally To Stop Ebola Virus From Infecting Their Families

AFRICA—Following the outbreak of Ebola virus in West Africa and the daily upsurge in fatalities arising from infections, prominent African leaders have reportedly held an emergency meeting to discuss how to tackle the disease and prevent it from infecting them [...]

August 3, 2014 health, news, politics
snoop dog unhappy about fathers days present

Snoop Dogg Not Impressed With His Father’s Day Gift Of Pedigree Dental Sticks

CALIFORNIA—Saying that he was really getting fed up with the yearly ritual of being presented with several packets of Pedigree brand of dental sticks by his grown-up children, Snoop Dogg, aka Snoop Lion, told reporters that his father’s day gift [...]

June 15, 2014 animals, celebrations, celebrity, health, news
golf ball rain

Met Office Weather Warning Yellow Alert: Raining Golf Balls

  LONDON — Yellow warning of severe weather has been issued by the Met Office, say sources. It’s going to be raining golf balls. According to the Health and Safety Executive: “Get your hard hats people, it’s gonna be a [...]

June 6, 2014 health, news, weather
aquafresh2

Ordinary Toothpaste Taking Itself Too Seriously

LONDON – Pissed off fans of High Definition TVs and other display units have reportedly told Aquafresh toothpaste that, “You’re just an ordinary toothpaste so don’t overreach yourself,” after the popular toothpaste released a supposedly new and improved version of [...]

April 9, 2014 business, health, lifestyle, news, technology
kingkong_edited

Stop This Banana, Balls And Bonkers Science ─ By King Kong

As a Hollywood veteran, after a hard day’s work in the Universal Studios or on location, I just want to return to my hotel suite and kick back with about a dozen fingers of banana. Ahh…bliss! So you can imagine [...]

February 6, 2014 bonkers, celebrity, commentary, film, food, health, news, science