The Horstrich

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Browsing the "lifestyle" Category

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Man Caught In Bed With Friend’s Wife Blames Pokémon Go

                        LONDON— After being caught red-handed by his best friend while pummelling his wife on their matrimonial bed, 28 year old Larry English told reporters that, “Pokémon Go’ made [...]

August 22, 2016 gaming, lifestyle, news, relationship, technology
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Dad Finally Gets Lucky With Mum On Mother’s Day

                    SHOREDITCH, LONDON – After scheming for three months and getting no joy in bid to get laid, sources report that 52-year-old Dominic Merchant finally got lucky with the mother of [...]

March 6, 2016 celebrations, lifestyle, news, relationship
valentines

Boyfriend’s Valentine Gift To Girlfriend Is A 3D Model Of Himself

                    LONDON ─ After pondering what special gift to give his girlfriend for Valentine for several weeks to no avail, City Banker  Donald Smith stumbled upon his Eureka moment when, at [...]

February 14, 2016 celebrations, lifestyle, news, relationship
heinz 5 a day

Man Pretty Sure Pork Sausage No Longer One Of Five-A-Day

                          HACKNEY, LONDON—Following the news that bacon and sausage could cause cancer, 26-year-old Nathan Atkins, an all-things-processed-and-non-processed-meat-aficionado, finally came clean to reporters that he always had his doubt [...]

October 30, 2015 food, health, lifestyle, news, science
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Man Has To Lick Off Triple Layer Of Makeup To Get To Girlfriend’s Skin

                    HERNE HILL, LONDON—Instead of continuing to initiate sex with his heavily rouged girlfriend by kissing her face and licking off a triple layer of makeup, 23-year old Jason Bedford reportedly [...]

July 30, 2015 lifestyle, news, relationship
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Rough Sleeper Camped Outside Waterstones For 55 Years Was Waiting For Harper Lee’s Sequel

                      PICADILLY, LONDON—Following the publication of Harper Lee’s second book Go Set A Watchman, a rough sleeper who had camped outside Waterstones in Picadilly for 55 years has finally left [...]

July 15, 2015 books, education, lifestyle, news
Texas Bike Gang

Texas Bikers Shootout Just Celebrating Release Of Mad Max: Fury Road

                    WACO, TEXAS—Saying that the world was too easily outraged these days, bike gang leader Mike ‘Razor Beard’ Wyatt told reporters that the bikers had only embarked on the free-for-all shoot [...]

May 19, 2015 film, gangs, guns, lifestyle, news
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Girlfriend Promises To Be On Best Behaviour Until After Valentine

                                      SYDENHAM, LONDON—Saying that she was not going to jeopardise her chances of receiving a fantastic Valentine’s gift from her emasculated boyfriend, [...]

February 13, 2015 celebrations, festivities, lifestyle, news
arctic

Commuters Should Cuddle One Another To Survive The Cold Spell, Says National Medical Council.

                  BRITAIN—As the UK continues to shiver in the grip of an arctic blast, the National Medical Council has reportedly issued a health warning for commuters and other travellers to endeavour to [...]

January 23, 2015 health and safety, lifestyle, news, transport, weather
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Health & Safety Tip Of The Day: Wear Scuba Gear In The Bath

UNIVERSAL—People have been known to drown in less than one-inch of water. To prevent drowning when you fancy a bath, the Health and Safety Executive recommends that you wear a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus. The Horstrich has been keeping the [...]

October 9, 2014 health and safety, lifestyle, news