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Browsing the "politics" Category

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Expect Same Old Shit In 2014─By President Jonathan of Nigeria

Fellow Nigerians I want to wish you a Happy New Year on this first day of 2014. I hope you had fun staying up at night with your loved ones to cheer in the New Year, because really that’s about [...]

January 1, 2014 commentary, news, politics
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David Cameron Declares Parts Of Britain Without Power As Territories Of Nigeria

  After visiting parts of Britain that have been without power for about a week and finding the people of those areas in high spirit and good cheer, the British Prime Minister, David Cameron─while likening the great show of camaraderie [...]

December 29, 2013 business, news, politics, weather
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Nelson Mandela Punk’d By God

HEAVEN─After rising from the dead and travelling millions and millions of miles through the great unknown to get to Heaven, Nelson Mandela was staggered to find an all too familiar segregation sign, announcing ‘WHITES ONLY’, anchored to the Pearly Gates, [...]

December 28, 2013 celebrity, news, politics
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Brevity Is The Soul Of Business, Says Naomi Campbell

    PARIS─While strolling on the streets of Paris, Naomi Campbell managed to complete a business transaction in a single rapid-fire question and answer session that lasted the best part of five seconds, according to reports. Sources said Campbell, walking [...]

December 24, 2013 business, celebrity, news, politics
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Nelson Mandela Rises From The Dead─Claims Signer, Thamsanqa Jantjie

    SOUTH AFRICA─Five days after his burial, Nelson Mandela, former South African president and anti-apartheid activist, has risen from the dead, not dissimilar to Jesus Christ’s rise from the dead, according to the so-called schizophrenic signer, Thamsanqa Jantjie. “I [...]

December 20, 2013 celebrity, news, politics
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Nigeria’s President Goodluck Jonathan Pays Tribute To Mandela Saying Another Great Man Is About To Emerge In Africa

ABUJA─Paying tribute to Nelson Mandela, the late freedom fighter and former president of South Africa, Nigeria’s President Goodluck Jonathan said one of the greatest men that ever lived has died and it is only right for the world to stop [...]

December 6, 2013 celebrity, news, politics
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Lion King Wins African Leadership Award

KHARTOUM─The annual £3.2 million Mo Ibrahim award for ‘excellence in African leadership’ has finally found a worthy winner in the form of King Simba, the celebrated Disney’s Lion King, according to African media reports. Sources say the award, which is [...]

October 29, 2013 celebrity, news, politics
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Nigeria’s President Goodluck Jonathan Seeks Obama’s Advice On Presidential Charisma

WASHINGTON─The White House has made public to the media the full transcript of a conversation between President Barack Obama and President Goodluck Jonathan of Nigeria. President Jonathan paid a visit to the White House to hold bilateral discussion with Obama. [...]

October 20, 2013 news, politics
The Ghost of Margaret Thatcher at a deserted Ritzy Cinema in Brixton

Ghost of Margaret Thatcher Spooks Hipsters In Brixton, South London

BRIXTON, SOUTH LONDON─The ghost of former British Prime Minister Lady Margaret Thatcher has been sighted wandering around the ‘hipsters’ paradise’ neighbourhood of Brixton, according to sources. Local publications report that the ghost of Thatcher, hauntingly dressed as the layabout overnight [...]

October 12, 2013 news, politics
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We Only Want To Bomb The Guilty People From Now On— By Ayman al-Zawahri, Al-Qaeda Leader

Good morning, afternoon, or evening to you, depending on what time of day it is in your little insignificant corner of the world whenever this message hits you. I’d like to cut to the chase by stating that over the [...]

October 7, 2013 commentary, news, politics