The Horstrich

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Browsing the "sports" Category

blurry tour de france

Disappointed Tour de France Spectator Demands A Refund

SURREY, ENGLAND—After dragging his sun-lounger several miles in the early hours of the morning to gain vantage point at the roadside railings of the Tour de France route through Surrey, sources said 32-year-old Adam Scott was left exasperated and heart-broken [...]

July 8, 2014 news, sports

Nike Wins World Cup Kit Design War With Futuristic Mankini Jersey

SAO PAULO, BRAZIL—American sports apparel manufacturing giant Nike has reportedly won the 2014 World Cup Kit Design War, after unveiling their radical mankini jersey which was worn by the Brazilian team for their opening match against Croatia. Sports fashion critics [...]

June 13, 2014 celebrity, football, lifestyle, news, sports
donald sterling

Apparently, What Is Good For The Goose Is No Longer Good For The Gander—By Donald Sterling.

Okay. Time for some balanced perspective here. To all the flattering nicknames you’ve given me since my so-called outing as a racist bastard, you can add ‘swivel-eyed Sterling’. Like I give a fuck. Seriously though, my eyes have been spinning [...]

June 11, 2014 celebrity, news, race, sports

Football Chairman Shamelessly Celebrates Success Of Manager He Will Sack Within Months

CLUELESS FOOTBALL CLUB, ENGLAND – A football club Chairman has reportedly been accused of a lack of class and decency after shamelessly celebrating the manager’s success in marshalling the clueless club’s promotion to the Top-Tier League of English football, yet [...]

April 28, 2014 celebrations, news, sports
ghost horses (1)

Ghost Horses Descend On Liverpool For Grand National

AINTREE, LIVERPOOL — Ghosts of  horses that died trying to conquer the Grand National fences have reportedly converged on Aintree in Liverpool for the Crabbies 2014 Grand National. Sources confirmed that since the start of the annual Aintree festival on [...]

April 5, 2014 business, celebrations, festivities, news, sports
pistorius (1)

Woman Recording Pistorius Murder Trial To Binge-Watch And Pass Her Own Verdict

PUTNEY, LONDON – Saying that she couldn’t risk missing a single episode of the Oscar Pistorius murder trial on TV, sources report that 33-year-old Putney woman, Dorine Hayes, has set her Sky+ box to record every second of the trial [...]

March 16, 2014 celebrity, court, news, police, sports

Great Britain Wins Bronze In Snowball Fight Event At Sochi Olympics

SOCHI, RUSSIA ─ Olympics correspondents report that Team GB’s representative in the Snowball Fight Event at the Winter Olympics, 27-year-old Jamie Morris of Scunthorpe, has won a third bronze for the country. The traditional free-for-all snowball fight event, which is [...]

February 23, 2014 news, politics, sports
baseball (1)

Kevin Pietersen To Bat For India

LONDON ─ After being unceremoniously booted out of the England Cricket Team, Kevin Pietersen, England’s enigmatic batsman, has changed nationality and will henceforth bat for India, according to reports. Sources said just a week on from his England career being [...]

February 13, 2014 business, celebrity, news, sports

Moyes Relegated To The Sofa Until Results Improve

  MANCHESTER, UK─After losing his seventh Premier League game of the season to leave the Champions lying in a ludicrous seventh position in the table, the Manchester United manager, David Moyes, has been relegated to sleep on the living room [...]

January 20, 2014 business, celebrity, news, sports

Football Man’s Dream Of Knighthood In Ten Years Is Derailed By Poor Results

MANCHESTER, UK─After being handed the reins at a top English Premier League club, a football man wasted no time in dreaming about his knighthood being just a matter of time, according to reports. Sources said that by his calculations, the [...]

December 20, 2013 celebrity, news, sports