Reports

• Mask or No Mask, Condom or No Condom, Says Boris Johnson
• Trump Signs Historic Trade Deal With North Korea
• Man Caught In Bed With Friend’s Wife Blames Pokémon Go
• Beyonce Fans Troll Gypsy Horse As Becky With The Good Hair
• Dad Finally Gets Lucky With Mum On Mother’s Day
• About Fucking Time I Got My Hands On This Golden Dude – By Leonardo DiCaprio
• Leonardo Dicaprio Preferred To Eat His Speech To The Oscars Pizza
• Boyfriend’s Valentine Gift To Girlfriend Is A 3D Model Of Himself
• Commuters Should Cuddle One Another To Survive The Cold Spell, Says Public Health England.
• Cameron Declares Parts Of Britain Without Power As Territories Of Nigeria
• Girlfriend Puzzled By Boyfriend’s Christmas Gift Of Lidl Perfume
• Man Hibernating To Avoid Stars Wars Frenzy Wants To Come Out For Christmas
• British Public Not Sure If ‘Jihadi John’ Intends To Repay His Student Loan
• Man Pretty Sure Pork Sausage No Longer One Of Five-A-Day
• Syrian Refugees Reject UK Council Estate Housing
• Arsenal Fans Most Likely To Suffer From Heart Attack, Study Finds
• Man Has To Lick Off Triple Layer Of Makeup To Get To Girlfriend’s Skin
• Pluto Spacecraft Probably Caught A Glimpse Of God Darting Off To Hide, Claims Nasa
• Rough Sleeper Camped Outside Waterstones For 55 Years Was Waiting For Harper Lee’s Sequel
• Hay Fever Woman Going To Relocate Every Summer From Next Summer
• Man Waiting For Female Footballers To Swap Shirts Disappointed Yet Again
• Blatter And Mugabe Separated At Birth, Say Genealogists
• Fifa Honours Dead World Cup Construction Workers With Body Outlines In Stadiums
• Football Chairman Shamelessly Celebrates Success Of Manager He Will Sack Within Months
• Texas Bikers Shootout Just Celebrating Release Of Mad Max: Fury Road
• Voters Stitched Us Up, Say UK Pollsters
• Floyd Mayweather Takes Break From Running To Ask Pacquiao Royal Baby’s Sex.
• Easter Turkey Pleads Desperately For Dear Life
• Cat Is The New Dog? I Don’t Think So — By Top Dog
• Dad Finally Gets Lucky With Mum On Mother’s Day
• Lion King Wins African Leadership Award
• British Public Not Sure If ‘Jihadi John’ Intends To Repay His Student Loan
• Arsenal Fans Most Likely To Suffer From Heart Attack, Study Finds
• Leonardo DiCaprio Preferred To Eat His Speech To The Oscars Pizza
• Romantic Man’s Valentine Gift To Girlfriend Is A 3D Model Of Himself
• Girlfriend Promises To Be On Best Behaviour Until After Valentine
• Nigeria Postpones Elections To Celebrate Valentine’s Day
• Commuters Should Cuddle One Another To Survive The Cold Spell, Says National Medical Council.
• Dad Finally Gets Lucky With Mum On Mother’s Day
• Girlfriend Puzzled By Boyfriend’s Christmas Gift Of Lidl Perfume