The Horstrich

Biblical Deluge: Move your toaster and iThings to higher ground.

Praise undeserved is satire in disguise.

-Alexander Pope

Reports

Browsing the "weather" Category

arctic

Commuters Should Cuddle One Another To Survive The Cold Spell, Says National Medical Council

                    ARCHIVE: January 23, 2015 BRITAIN—As the UK continues to shiver in the grip of an arctic blast, the National Medical Council has reportedly issued a health warning for commuters and [...]

January 21, 2016 health, news, weather
DAVID CAMERON3

Cameron Declares Parts Of Britain Without Power As Territories Of Nigeria

                                                                                [...]

December 28, 2015 government, news, politics, weather
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Hay Fever Woman Going To Relocate Every Summer From Next Summer

                    FULHAM, LONDON—After blowing her nose like a trumpet into a mucus-sodden tissue, 29-year-old pollen magnet Mary Elstree told reporters that she would surely relocate from the UK next summer to [...]

July 2, 2015 health, news, science, weather
arctic

Commuters Should Cuddle One Another To Survive The Cold Spell, Says National Medical Council.

                  BRITAIN—As the UK continues to shiver in the grip of an arctic blast, the National Medical Council has reportedly issued a health warning for commuters and other travellers to endeavour to [...]

January 23, 2015 health and safety, lifestyle, news, transport, weather
hurricane3 (1)

Britons List Three Targets For Big Storm To Trash And Drag Out To Sea

              ARCHIVE: OCTOBER 28 2013   LONDON─Britons have presented a list of three targets for the Big Storm of 2013 to trash, according to reports. The British people have unanimously agreed that the Big [...]

December 10, 2014 news, weather
shutterstock_135050180 (2)

Man Goes To Sexy Female Neighbour For Joint Shower To Save On Utility Costs

ARCHIVE: JANUARY 7, 2014                           LONDON ─ Heeding the sage advice of First Utility energy company to share a bath with other people in order to save on [...]

November 19, 2014 business, news, politics, weather
golf ball rain

Met Office Weather Warning Yellow Alert: Raining Golf Balls

  LONDON — Yellow warning of severe weather has been issued by the Met Office, say sources. It’s going to be raining golf balls. According to the Health and Safety Executive: “Get your hard hats people, it’s gonna be a [...]

June 6, 2014 health, news, weather
riot

Mark Duggan Lawful Killing Verdict: London Youths Shun Riots For Their Duvets

LONDON ─ In the wake of the controversial ‘lawful killing verdict’ of the unarmed north London ‘gang member’, Mark Duggan, by an officer of the Metropolitan Police, London youths unanimously voted to burrow deeper into their mattresses and pull the [...]

January 9, 2014 business, celebrity, news, politics, weather
shutterstock_135050180 (2)

Man Goes To Sexy Female Neighbour For Joint Shower To Save On Utility Costs

LONDON ─ Heeding the sage advice of First Utility energy company to share a bath with other people in order to save on electricity and gas costs, middle-aged Camberwell man, Tony Windsor─wearing only a speedo and a mini towel draped [...]

January 7, 2014 business, news, politics, weather
DAVID CAMERON3

David Cameron Declares Parts Of Britain Without Power As Territories Of Nigeria

  After visiting parts of Britain that have been without power for about a week and finding the people of those areas in high spirit and good cheer, the British Prime Minister, David Cameron─while likening the great show of camaraderie [...]

December 29, 2013 business, news, politics, weather