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Clueless Man Charged With Finding 276 Kidnapped Nigerian School Girls

May 8, 2014 news, politics
Goodluck Jonathan Clueless

The world’s most clueless man speaking mumbo jumbo

ABUJA, NIGERIA – A prodigiously clueless man has reportedly been charged with finding and rescuing 276 school girls kidnapped by a ragtag group of terrorists in Northern Nigeria.

Sources say that the man brimming with zero ideas addressed the Nigerian people saying he is working tirelessly to ensure the continued imprisonment of the young girls does not end anytime soon.

“I want to assure the Nigerian people that I am doing everything within my power to ensure the girls are safely sold into slavery by the terrorists,” said the copiously powerless resident of Aso Villa, adding that he will use his enormous skills in the art of mumbo jumbo to negotiate the perpetual incarceration of the girls in the jungle.

Sources report further that the extraordinarily uninspiring and tremendously frustrating man who is overflowing with the feckless personality of a charlatan vowed to keep bearing his toothless gums at the terrorists in order to continue the inexorable free-fall of the so-called giant of Africa into anarchy and chaos.

At post time the gigantic impotent pretend-of-a-leader is said to be digging a big enough hole in the sand to accommodate his profusely empty head, silly cowboy hat and all.

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