HERNE HILL, LONDON—Instead of continuing to initiate sex with his heavily rouged girlfriend by kissing her face and licking off a triple layer of makeup, 23-year old Jason Bedford reportedly told his friends that he is considering diving head-on into her ample bosom.
“Look guys, I’ve really had it with the face-kissing prelude,” moaned Bedford to his incredulous mates. “You know how Lisa really likes to go heavy on the face mascara. I’m planting soft kisses all over her face but I just find myself licking off all of her makeup before getting a taste of her skin.”
“I mean, don’t get me wrong guys,” continued Bedford, “I know that women have to be led gently into sex but for Christ sake, what’s wrong with starting at the boobs”.
“My palate knows her favourite makeups now. Usually she has Olay at the top, L’oreal in between and Rimmel at the base. It’s even worse when her makeup is all dried and caked up on her face. Then I really have to wet my tongue to moisturise her face if I’m to have any chance of getting to her skin.”
Sources said when Bedford was done with his infantile rant, his mates rounded on him, warning him to jettison his stupid plan to initiate sex at second base or he would never get to third base.
At post time, reports have it that at his girlfriend’s next visit, without as much as a kiss on the nose, Bedford had bravely extended his hands to unbutton her blouse. Sources confirmed that his girlfriend deftly parried his roving fingers, slid away to the edge of the sofa, before announcing that she had migraine and so won’t be staying long.by