GLASGOW, SCOTLAND—After departing civilised society for two weeks to seek refuge in a Scottish cave in order to escape the frenzy surrounding the film Star Wars: The Force Awakens, hungry and haggard-looking 28 year old Gary Benson is reported to be ready to come out of hibernation for Christmas.
“I really can’t wait to get home for Christmas and stuff my face with my mum’s classic Christmas dish,” Benson told reporters from his bolthole somewhere on the rugged Scottish coastlines.
“I mean, like, have anyone of you tasted my mum’s chicken liver parfait with sultanas and raisins? No? Well, you need to eat her mustard butter-basted roast turkey with bacon to have any idea what I’m talking about. And that is the only reason why I’m coming out and going home to have a good shave and hot shower.”
At post time, Benson, replete with Christmas dinner and dozing quietly on the sofa, confirmed to reporters that he would definitely resume his hibernation—but this time in his parent’s basement—in order to avoid the gathering frenzy around Quentin Tarantino’s Hateful Eight.