The Horstrich

Sarin-contaminated rain: kiss loved ones before leaving home.

Satire is a lesson, parody is a game.

-Vladimir Nabokov

jack wilshere

We Are England And We Can Tackle Our Way To World Cup 2014 Final──By Jack Wilshere

I’m sorry Mr FA Chairman, Greg Dyke, winning the World Cup in 2022 doesn’t quite cut it for me. I can barely get in the team in 2013, what hope 2022? With my new found love of tobacco who knows [...]

October 17, 2013 celebrity, news, sports
The Ghost of Margaret Thatcher at a deserted Ritzy Cinema in Brixton

Ghost of Margaret Thatcher Spooks Hipsters In Brixton, South London

BRIXTON, SOUTH LONDON─The ghost of former British Prime Minister Lady Margaret Thatcher has been sighted wandering around the ‘hipsters’ paradise’ neighbourhood of Brixton, according to sources. Local publications report that the ghost of Thatcher, hauntingly dressed as the layabout overnight [...]

October 12, 2013 news, politics

We Only Want To Bomb The Guilty People From Now On— By Ayman al-Zawahri, Al-Qaeda Leader

Good morning, afternoon, or evening to you, depending on what time of day it is in your little insignificant corner of the world whenever this message hits you. I’d like to cut to the chase by stating that over the [...]

October 7, 2013 commentary, news, politics
Unamused West Brom fans watch as Man United fans steal their Thunder

Manchester United Fans Accused Of Stealing The Thunder From West Bromwich Albion In 2-1 Win Over United

It has been reported that West Bromwich Albion lodged a complaint with the Premier League accusing the Manchester United fans of hijacking their ‘Thunder’ during their 2-1 win over United at the weekend. According to media reports, sometime during last [...]

October 4, 2013 news, sports
Movie hardman Jason Statham calmly strolls away from a scene of destruction

Hollywood Hardman Jason Statham Rips Celebrity Journalist At The Paris Fashion Week

PARIS─It has been reported that Hollywood hard-man Jason Statham let rip into a so-called celebrity journalist, Dave Owen, at the recently concluded Paris Fashion Week. According to reports, Owen, a celebrity blogger had walked up to Statham at the fashion [...]

October 4, 2013 celebrity, news

Homophobic Dog Granted Bail In British Magistrates Court

BRIGHTON, ENGLAND─A notoriously homophobic Staffordshire bull terrier named Stuart has been granted bail by the Brighton Magistrates Court, according to reports. According to sources, Stuart had been arrested and detained by police around midday after attacking a gay couple on [...]

October 4, 2013 news
iPhone 5s Fingerprint Scanner

Apple iPhone 5s Blamed For Sharp Rise in Amputees

WASHINGTON─Congress has summoned Apple CEO, Tim Cook, to come and address the connection between the sharp rise in phone theft and amputations since the release of the iPhone 5s, according to sources. There have been reports all over America of [...]

October 4, 2013 news, technology
mugabe killing jollof rice

Jollof Rice Is Voted Ahead Of Mugabe As The Second Best Thing To Emerge From Africa

LAGOS─It has been reported that Jollof Rice has been voted the second best thing to come out of Africa. The best is Nelson Mandela who has achieved the incredible feat of maintaining such an illustrious first position for the past [...]

October 4, 2013 food, news, politics
Harry v Ronnie

Ronnie Wood Delivers A Zinger To Redknapp’s Diss Of ‘Hippy Crack’

LONDON─Rolling Stone guitarist and serial rehab habitué Ronnie Wood has been giving his views on Harry Redknapp’s claim that drugs are merely a modern phenomenon in the UK, according to sources.  The Queens Park Rangers’ boss, in an interview with [...]

October 4, 2013 celebrity, news, sports