The Horstrich

It's a chuckle.

It is difficult not to write satire.

-Juvenal

Reports
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Man Waiting For Female Footballers To Swap Shirts Disappointed Yet Again

                    MITCHAM, LONDON—After the England versus Canada quarter final match at the Women’s World Cup, 26 year old football fan Michael Fulton is reported to have been left disappointed yet again, [...]

June 28, 2015 festivities, football, news, sports
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Blatter And Mugabe Separated At Birth, Say Genealogists

            WORLD—A group of world renowned genealogists have reportedly released a list of DNA facts that proves beyond doubt that Sepp Blatter and Robert Mugabe were separated at birth. Both Blatter and Mugabe are slapheads [...]

June 1, 2015 election, football, government, news, politics, sports
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Fifa Honours Dead World Cup Construction Workers With Body Outlines In Stadiums

                    ARCHIVE: July 14′ 2014 RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL—As the FIFA 2014 World Cup juggernaut ground to a halt with Germany pipping Argentina to the trophy, FIFA reportedly paid tribute to [...]

May 28, 2015 celebrations, football, news, sports
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Football Chairman Shamelessly Celebrates Success Of Manager He Will Sack Within Months

                  ARCHIVE: April 28, 2014 CLUELESS FOOTBALL CLUB, ENGLAND – A football club Chairman has reportedly been accused of a lack of class and decency after shamelessly celebrating the manager’s success in [...]

May 26, 2015 business, celebrations, football, news
Texas Bike Gang

Texas Bikers Shootout Just Celebrating Release Of Mad Max: Fury Road

                    WACO, TEXAS—Saying that the world was too easily outraged these days, bike gang leader Mike ‘Razor Beard’ Wyatt told reporters that the bikers had only embarked on the free-for-all shoot [...]

May 19, 2015 film, gangs, guns, lifestyle, news
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Voters Stitched Us Up, Say UK Pollsters

                      BRITAIN—After coming in for severe hiding in the UK General Election, UK Pollsters have denied getting it massively wrong, claiming that UK voters lied to them, according to reports. [...]

May 9, 2015 election, government, news, politics
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Floyd Mayweather Takes Break From Running To Ask Pacquiao Royal Baby’s Sex.

                  MGM GRAND, LAS VEGAS—Saying to his chasing assailant that he hadn’t had time to get an update on the second royal baby’s birth before their boxing match, Floyd ‘Slippery Money’ Mayweather [...]

May 3, 2015 business, celebrity, news, sports
Easter Turkey Pleads Desperately For Dear Life

Easter Turkey Pleads Desperately For Dear Life

                    ARCHIVE: April 20, 2014 MUDCHUTE PARK & FARM, LONDON – Clucking hysterically and pleading vigorously for his dear life on the way to the animal gallows, local farmyard turkey, Wattle, [...]

April 5, 2015 animals, festivities, food, news
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Cat Is The New Dog? I Don’t Think So — By Top Dog

                ARCHIVE: May 23, 2014 CALIFORNIA—Alright, alright, viral-obsessed creatures on two legs, it’s time you stopped prostituting yourselves to cats. Frankly speaking I’m pissed off right now. Actually I’ve been pissed off since [...]

March 23, 2015 animals, celebrity, commentary, news
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Dad Finally Gets Lucky With Mum On Mother’s Day

                        ARCHIVE: March 30, 2014. SHOREDITCH, LONDON – After scheming for three months and getting no joy in bid to get laid, sources report that 52-year-old Dominic Merchant finally [...]

March 15, 2015 business, celebrations, news, technology