INFLATABLE DINGHY BOUND FOR EUROPE—As 40 UK Councils pledged to provide sanctuary for Syrian refugees, sources report from inside a listing Europe-bound inflatable dinghy that refugees have vowed to reject out-of-hand any attempt to house them in some chav riddled sink estate in, maybe, Salford or some other backwater UK city.
“Don’t get me wrong, we really appreciate the offer of sanctuary from these UK Councils,” said Adnan Bahar, as the dirt-cheap dinghy listed precariously in the sea, “but no council estate for me in some chav mecca, thank you.”
“We watch loads of British TV programmes in Syria and I’ve seen Shameless and Benefit Street,” said Sayid Fakhoury, Bahar’s cousin. “Wherever I live in UK, I don’t want to hear White Dee this or Black Dee that. In fact, my number one area of choice is Chelsea and Kennington. What? Oh Okay. I mean Chelsea and Kensington. I’ll only go as low as Hampstead Heath.”
At post time, after being informed that UK Council housing’s average waiting time is five years, the occupants of the dinghy unanimously voted to redirect their efforts towards Germany.by